


Conversations Old and New

by Willowbrooke



Series: To End and Begin Again [1]
Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M, References to Intelligent Design, References to Life Born of Fire, References to Wild Justice, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 11:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowbrooke/pseuds/Willowbrooke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes one thing has to end for another to begin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conversations Old and New

**Author's Note:**

> _Thank you to wendymr for her suggestion that I tell this story of how James and Robbie reached the point in their relationship when 'Joys in a Single Day' is set. Though the basic premises remain true to canon, the story is canon-divergent._

It was a week after Robbie had announced his retirement plans and a month before that retirement would officially begin. As was their regular habit, James and Robbie were sharing a pint in the pub after work. Lewis noticed that Hathaway was more distant and distracted than usual. He assumed he knew why.

"Just say the word, lad" Lewis said, "and I'll be happy to speak to Innocent on your behalf. She already thinks you're a fine copper and my guess is she is just waiting for you to express interest in this promotion to get the ball rolling for you."

Hathaway gave him a nod and a sincere smile in return and then focused his attention on his beer glass as though it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Thank you, sir," he said after a long pause, still staring at his glass. "I want you to know how grateful I am for all that you've done for me."

He raised his gaze to meet Lewis's and continued, "Do you remember the conversation we had a couple of years back when you found out Lyn was pregnant and you thought about retiring?"

"Course I do." It took a minute for the penny to drop, but it finally did. "Ah. You said, 'If you go, I go.'"

"Yes. I've been thinking about this for a long time. The truth is, my heart is just not in it anymore. This job changes you and I don't like what I've become. I used to believe that people were basically good and I don't anymore and I'm not sure when that changed."

After a pause, he continued, "So, I've decided that with you taking retirement it's the right time for me to move on and find something else to do with my life. I'll be handing in my resignation in the morning. Of course I'll stay to see you off." James looked directly into Robbie's eyes and smiled. "We go together."

Robbie nodded and smiled back. He wondered briefly if there was meant to be any deeper meaning in that comment. "Right," he said.

Now it was his turn to stare at his glass. Was he really surprised? No. James was a good detective and had never once caused Robbie to doubt his dedication to the job. True, there had been a few incidents where the lad had not used the best judgment, but wasn't that true of all of us from time to time? 

Robbie had often wondered how someone with James's temperament had ended up in this line of work. Of course, James had a strong sense of right and wrong and Robbie had no doubt that James took satisfaction, as he himself did, in bringing criminals to justice. They both wanted to make the world a better place.

But James was different. He was often restless, deeply thoughtful and he possessed a great deal of empathy for others. He was also, or at least had been, a spiritual man with strongly held beliefs. And there were so many complex layers to him, Lewis could not even begin to understand what made him tick. But if he were honest with himself, he'd have to admit that he desperately wanted to understand. He felt that James carried a burden that he was either unwilling or unable to share. In truth, James's pain was often his own. 

So, if James wanted out, well then, he would do whatever he could to be supportive. It seemed obvious that he would want what was best for James much more than he wanted what was best for the department.

Lewis looked up and smiled at his sergeant once more. "Right," he said again. "Well, the department's loss will be someone else's gain. I want you to know that you have my full support and if there is anything I can do to help, you only have to ask."

"Thank you, sir, I appreciate that." James paused and then continued. "I hope you don't think it's been a waste, training me up."

"Don't be daft, man. You've more than earned your keep. You've saved me bacon on more than one occasion and you've dedicated yourself to the job one hundred percent. It's not been a waste. It's been a pleasure and an honor to work with you. If truth be told, you've made these last few years more than bearable for me. I doubt very much that I'd have stuck it out this long if it hadn't been for you."

Robbie had not intended to say that but he wasn't sorry. Now that their time as Inspector and Sergeant was winding down maybe it was time to...to what? Figure out exactly what this was between them? James was giving him a look that seemed to speak volumes, but Robbie had said enough for now and changed the subject quickly.

"So, will you be heading off to that theology fellowship then?"

James allowed the conversation to move in a safer direction. "I'm not sure really. I haven't spoken to Professor Pinnock for some time. I have no idea if anything would be available and at this point, I'm not entirely sure theology would be my first choice. But I think I'd like to pursue academics in some form."

They carried on discussing potential career options for James until their pints were empty.

"Same again?" Robbie asked as he pointed to James's glass.

"No thank you, sir. I think I'll head for home. I've got one more box of papers from Simon Dunham's office to look through. There has to be something we're missing there. Can I give you a lift home?"

"Thanks, but I think I'll walk. You know how our Lyn is always on about me needing more exercise."

"Good night then, sir."

"Good night. And James...it's Robbie."

James gave him a long look, a nod and a brief smile. "Good night, Robbie."

He watched James drive off and started the walk towards home. Tonight something had changed and he finally let his mind focus on the thing that he'd spent the last couple of years trying to ignore. He and James had developed a close working relationship over the years and certainly a solid friendship but it seemed that he had reached the point where he no longer wanted to deny to himself that it had become more than that. Much more. 

And he was pretty sure it wasn't just one sided. He didn't think he was misinterpreting what James was occasionally letting him see. There had been, for some time, a deliberately ignored undercurrent between them...certain looks and things said or not said. A touch that perhaps lingered too long? 

He tried for a moment to imagine what it would be like waking up each morning knowing that James would no longer be a part of his daily routine and he knew immediately that his life would be incomplete. He reckoned he might be ready to take the relationship to the next level, whatever that may be and he hoped James would be as well. They just needed to get through this next month. 

He was also surprised to realize that he was actually relieved that James had decided to leave the force. Of course, the danger aspect was part of it. How could Robbie count on someone else to watch out for James's safety the way he always had?

As soon as that thought entered his mind, he winced inwardly. But he hadn't always watched out for James, had he? Robbie was not sure he would ever be able to forgive himself for that day when he had given into self-pity and walked away when James needed him the most. He had been hurt that James had lied to him. Of course now he understood that James had not been able to face the truth himself so how could Robbie have expected James to explain it to him? He thanked God, or fate or luck...whatever it was that allowed him to arrive in time to save James from the fire. He vowed then and there to never let James down again and he hadn't. 

But what really bothered Robbie about James and a new partner was that he didn't like the idea of James developing that necessary close relationship with someone else. In their 'You go, I go' conversation James had said, 'Who else would understand me?' And he was right. No one could possibly understand him the way Robbie did. Was that jealousy? Robbie didn't know, but he smiled to himself. 

It suddenly occurred to him that he had a professional obligation to ring Innocent when he got home to prepare her for James's bombshell. She would have his guts for garters if he didn't and he knew James would understand. Innocent would, of course, try to talk James out of leaving, but she wouldn't succeed.

During the rest of his walk home, he let his mind entertain possibilities of what the future might hold.

By the time he reached home and unlocked his door he had come to a decision. He would make the most of every day of this last month of them working as partners and he would find ways to start to show James what was in his heart. He sincerely hoped that this ending could be a new beginning for the two of them.


End file.
